Olivia - 7 Weeks and 8 Weeks (updated)

Olivia, you are 8 weeks old! (Mama's been slacking on the posting...oops!) You are still pretty uncomfortable a lot of the time and it breaks your Daddy's and my hearts. We wish we could make you feel better. I'm sure you'll just love to read this in your teens, but you have a really hard time pooing! It is so frustrating and must be painful for you. You struggle and struggle and cry and sometimes even scream, and then still you can't go. The doctor says not to worry about it, but I'm going to ask her again next week at your 2 month appointment because I really want to be able to help you with this. The evenings are very difficult for you. You cry a lot and you seem so sad and in pain, it is not easy for your Daddy and I to not be able to comfort you. You are so cute, though, and when you're happy you are such a sweetie. We weren't sure if you were smiling for real or by accident, but we've seen some really great smiles now and know they are real. You had the BEST day when we went to visit Grandma and Granddad Smalberger. You hardly cried, if at all, all morning and afternoon and I cried when we saw you smile repeatedly! It was so fun :) You did a pretty great job sleeping in the car, too. We got you a Rock n Play sleeper for bedtime since you outgrew being able to sleep in your bouncy seat. You seem to sleep well in it, sometimes for 4 hours on your first stretch. Then you go about 2 hours at a time. You and I usually move to the guest room at about 3:00 am because that's when you start grunting and struggling trying to poo and I want Daddy to be able to get better sleep. I hope someday soon you'll be able to poo easily and quietly ;) Some of your 0-3 month clothes are too big, some are too small and some are just right. You look so adorable in anything, of course! I went off dairy completely a few days ago. I'm hoping it will help you feel better. Aunt Jenn and Grandma Schurz heard that yogurt may be good for babies with colic, so today is the first day I've had some. I'll tell you it's hard to find recipes without milk, butter and cheese, especially dessert! I think I'll start eating a bit more meat for a while, to make up for the lack of those things. We'll see how it goes. Just know that I'm trying anything and everything to make my little princess feel better. Daddy and I have to start meeting potential babysitters this weekend. If I even think a tiny bit about going back to work I start crying, so I try not to think about it in order to not let it ruin the special times we do have left. I do hope we'll find someone perfect to hold you, love you, feed you and play with you while we are at work. Everyone who is reading this, please cross your fingers, send positive thoughts and say some prayers!!!

7 Weeks: (8 week pics coming tomorrow, if I can get my act together!)

8 Weeks: (a lot of these look the same, and she isn't very animated, but I just couldn't delete any!)

Olivia, Livi, Liv, we love you so much. I hope you can feel it!

Happy Valentines Day

 

Livi in her pretty red outfit for Valentines Day :)

Olivia This and Olivia That

 

Not enough hands to type and hold the baby. Caption using your imagination!

Olivia - 6 weeks

 

Olivia Layne, you are 6 weeks old! You are growing and changing by the day. We can see that your getting so strong with your neck and legs. Your facial expressions are priceless, I wish I could catch them all on camera. You still make lots of grunting noises, especially when you try to wake up. Last Saturday you were an angel. Daddy had an all day swim meet and only got to be home for a couple of hours. Grandma Smalberger came to visit for a few hours, which was wonderful, but when she and Daddy were both gone, I was really lonely. I also started getting a migraine. Well, you and I went across the street to visit our friends and you were an angel. Sure, you cried a bit here and there, but it's as if you sensed that I was having a hard time and you were on your best behavior. We even had to come home and lay down for a while and you just laid right beside me and sucked your binkie quietly while I waited for my migraine meds to kick in. Thank you! Of course then on Sunday you had one of your most upsetting days. I'm wondering if you were feeling sick. You basically cried all day if you weren't asleep, you even cried while eating :( And you didn't sleep much. Poor Daddy and I didn't know what to do to make you feel better. When you were only a little better on Monday and Tuesday, Daddy called Grandma Schurz to see if she could come help and she practically hopped right in the car! We were so thankful for her help, especially me. She just held you and rocked you all day for a few days so I could have a little break and get a few things done. I think she had a calming presence on you. You still had a few episodes, but you seemed to be doing better. Daddy and I even went out 2 nights in a row, our first time out since you were born! Grandma had to leave last night, so of course you had a very fussy night. We tried shushing you, walking around, giving you your binkie, patting your bottom, gripe water. We tried everything! You just cried until you wore yourself out. Then you slept for a little while, then cried again. It is hard to hear you so sad and not be able to comfort you. It's also exhausting to walk around while you belt it out for hours. But we love you so much and I will walk you around as long as I need to, or until my back falls off, then it will be up to your Dad ;) We think your tummy feels bad sometimes and sometimes it seems like you have trouble getting your poo out, poor thing. Hopefully as you get older and bigger those things will get better. 

I'm not sure how to get you onto a routine, but I'm looking forward to the days when there is a bit of one. You eat every 2-3 hours, and sometimes less, both during the day and night. In the very beginning you would sleep on my chest at night and then I'd put you in your little vibrating seat. Sometimes we'd sleep on the couch together in the middle of the night, sometimes we'd go to the guest room. Then you got more consistent with sleeping in the seat. But now you're too big for that little seat! So we got you a Rock n Play. You seem to like how it isn't flat and with blankets in it and around you I think you feel cozy and hugged. I think you sleep better on your side in our bed, so we do that sometimes after you nurse in the middle of the night. Hey, I hear you grunting and waking up right now, how am I going to finish typing this? You're in your swing, and you've been there for at least 20 minutes, which is a record! You certainly like to be held ALL THE TIME and you love movement. I'm hoping to get a front carrier and I really hope you'll like being it in, because as much as I'd love to sit on the couch and snuggle and rock you like Grandma did, things have to get done. We've seen you smile a few times, which is awesome! Each day is a new adventure.We're trying to enjoy this stage while also looking forward to the days of more interaction and routine. We love you!

Olivia - 5 Weeks

 

Dear Olivia, you are getting so big! I can now understand how mamas get sad when their babies grow out of the newborn stage. I want you to know, sweet girl, that even though the first month was hard for me, I love you so much and I'm so happy to be your mama. We're all working through the crying and not knowing what to do, and in between those times, you are just an adorable, sweet, precious little one. I'm glad you're growing and healthy, and I'm looking forward to all the phases of your life, but I want you to know that I loved you from day one and will miss this tiny you as you grow. Love, mama.

We spend many hours in this position because Livi loves it so much.

sneezing!

Many faces of Olivia (in her adorable horsey outfit)

One Month of Baby

Can you believe Livi turned one month old yesterday? It's been quite the month to say the least. You've seen the pictures-we've got a CUTE daughter!! I thought I'd share a few things I've learned on the journey so far.

Childbirth is indescribable. You'll hear story after story of nurses, epidurals, birthing pools, pushing, etc., but you can never really understand what it's like until you go through it yourself. I admit the whole hospital experience is a blur, but giving birth to Olivia with Jeff holding my hand is something I'll never forget. A miracle!

I've never experienced tired like this tired. I love sleep and let's face it, it's elusive these days. If there is anything worth losing sleep over, though, it's our little gal. (side note-that doesn't mean it's fun to lose sleep!)

Dressing babies is hard! They wiggle and move and cry LOUD. I have still only attempted to put clothes over her head about twice. I much prefer snaps or zippers. We have tons of cute outfits, for which we are so grateful, but I have to stick with what is easy for both of us right now, and that is SNAPS. She's already too big for her newborn clothes. The 0-3 months are a little big, but I have a feeling she'll grow into them pretty quickly. Yikes, she's almost a teenager!

Having a plan for a newborn is a sweet idea, but being flexible is a much better idea. And being flexible for an OCD type A mama is a bit on the tough side. I had all these grand ideas about how our days would look and those ideas stayed ideas, not reality. Week 1 was different than week 2 and so on.

The first month is HARD. Side note, that doesn't mean I don't love my baby! But getting up every 2 hours to feed her is hard. Feeding her feels like being a milk machine. Not knowing how to make a baby stop crying is exhausting and terrifying and depressing and sad and I feel so bad for our little girl not knowing how to make her feel better. Emotions are not just runing all over the place, they are jumping, screeching, swaying, punching and kicking through me, causing many tears for me and many nights of my poor hubby not knowing what to do for me or Olivia. But that's normal. LOTS of babies cry a lot. Lots of mamas wonder what they are doing wrong and what to do that is right. Lots of daddy's are at a loss for how to help and are also experiencing their own emotions and tiredness.

Here is a hard one that goes with the whole planning thing: newborn cloth diapers are not working for us :( I feel sad that not only are we going to have to not be as green as I'd like, but we'll have to spend more money on disposables for now. I'm hoping and praying that the big girl diapers will work like a charm, but until then, with our poor fussy girl, we'll do what works best for us at the time. Hey, I bought the diapers used, so hopefully I can sell them used and it will at least be a wash financially on that side.

I don't think doctors know what they're talking about, they seem to just do a lot of guessing. Poor Olivia cries. She didn't at first. She seemed like such a happy, easy baby for the first 2 weeks. Well that's probably because tiny newborns just sleep most of the time. Plus I've heard that you'll get used to something for 2 weeks and then it will change! The 2nd two weeks have shown us that Livi seems to be at least very uncomfortable if not fully in pain a lot of the time. THe doctor thought it might be acid reflux, but the meds for that didn't work. There might be another med that could work, but of course it's unavailable and the brand name is like $300! Then it might be colic. What is colic? Well the doctors aren't really sure. Apparently since she cries more in the evening it could be colic, but since no one really knows what that is, how do we make her feel better? Maybe gripe water? Maybe gas drops? Maybe she just doesn't like being awake? Maybe she is allergic to my milk? Maybe formula would help? Who knows? Who KNOWS? (no seriously, if you know, TELL US!)

Laundry is never ending. Period.

Babies are SO CUTE. Not just "babies" but OURS. Her little eyes, her scrunchy face, that pretty dark hair. Those little big feet and hands. The rolls on her thighs. Her adorable outfits. Her dimples. We are so excited to see her smile, find out her personality, make her laugh, laugh with her, teach her things.

Finding what works best for your family is what IS best. Not doing it like this book says, like that expert says, like that mommy bloggers says, like your neighbor says, doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. The best thing for your family is what works best for you.

The support of family and friends is immeasurable. I'm so grateful for the meals we've been given, the visits, the trips to the store and the help with laundry and cleaning, the extra hands holding and walking and rocking the baby, the stories from other parents who had similar situations. THANK YOU!

Give yourself grace. For the things that didn't go the way you planned. For the frustration you feel. For the tears. For the questions. For the worries. This is a huge life change. It's for the best. It's a great change. So while you figure it out, let yourself let go of some of those things. Let yourself settle into what is going on. Let the adorable new life in your life wrap you up in her dimples, her tiny fingers, her precious lips and even her tears.

I've mentioned that Olivia doesn't like to get her diapers or clothes changed. She cries a lot while she is awake now. But let me tell you what she likes. She likes to be snuggled facing you on your chest. She likes to look around while you hold her when she's not crying. She likes the sound of a bathroom fan and a vacuum. She likes to take a bath (although doesn't like getting out of the bathtub-brrrr!) Swaddling worked for a while, but I don't think she loves that any more. She seems to like sleeping either on one of our chests or in her vibrating seat. She likes to be walked around and held on your chest. She likes car rides and stroller rides.

We've learned a lot, but I feel like I still know nothing. We have much more to learn and figure out and I'm crossing my fingers and toes and eyeballs that the next month will be even better than the first. Being a parent to a newborn is a lot more work than I thought, but already it's rewarding and fun and has taught me a lot about myself. Having a wonderful husband makes all the difference in the world. Jeff is much more patient than me, and is so soothing and empathetic to Livi. He is amazing for both of us as he has been for Cade these past 13 years. I don't know how single parents can do this, but I am so impressed by any and all parents who lovingly raise their kiddos.

We appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we try to figure out if Olivia is hurting or just fussy for fussy sake. Thanks again for journeying with us.