Thursday, July 21, 2011
Holding onto worry
Preparing to bring a child into the world comes with it's own set of unique fears. I already worry a bit to much about life in general, I already worry about Cade and even Jeff. And now I worry about a myriad of things that come with a new baby. Let's just be honest, though...one of my silliest and yet most prominent fears is not knowing how to HOLD my own little baby! Last night I went to a friends house to see her new 3 day old baby girl. Madeline was 6.5lbs when she was born but down to 6 yesterday. Needless to say she was a tiny little thing. Nicole went to put her in my arms (after I freaked out and said I'd better sit down. as if I'm 6) and I had no idea how to position my arms to cuddle the little thing. Nicole had to instruct my to relax my arm so that my elbow wasn't all askew leaving a giant hole for the baby to fall right through. Of course she was so easy and gracious when she suggested I just relax my arm, not like "what the heck are you doing? haven't you ever held a baby before you ridiculous woman!?" All the same, I fear that holding and taking care of something so small and fragile (although Jeff tells me over and over again that they aren't that fragile-and I say back to him, well just pretend they are!) is so unnatural for me that I'll mess up. Nicole even reassured me that she is the same way with other people's babies, but it comes more naturally when it is your own. Isn't she so sweet? I sure hope she's right. I'd better visit Madeline more often to get more practice! And I won't even go into my more logical fears. I don't want to put those into the universe! Oh boy, what are we getting into? I can't wait, though!