Olivia Layne - 14 weeks

Olivia, you are 14 weeks old today! (look at Mama, I actually blogged on the right day for once!) I had to go back to work this last week. It has been really hard on me. You are kept by a wonderful woman that Daddy and I feel good about. She has 6 of her own kids! She seems very loving and wants to care for you in the way we want you to be cared for. She even sent me a few picture and text messages to tell me how you're doing through the days. I get to work from home on Wednesday and Friday afternoons, so I get the joy of picking you up from the sitter and holding you in my arms more often on those days. Even with all those good things, I feel very sad leaving you each day. I worry about your development. I wonder what you do all day. I get scared you won't recognize me and will think she is your mama. I've had some really wonderful women encourage me through this time, though. There are SO MANY mamas who work outside the home. Some by choice, some because they have to financially. No matter where or how a mama works, though, she loves her babies. Each option has pros and cons. I'm trying to remind myself that working is a way I am caring for you. That I'm not letting someone else raise you, I'm letting someone else love you. That my bond with you won't be broken because I'm working and I'll always be the most important woman in your life. Plus, I can be very intentional and present in the moments I am with you after work and on weekends. I haven't done housework after work, which for this mama is UNusual ;) Maybe someday things will change and I'll be able to stay home with you, but for now, this is what we do. You and I are still trying to figure out our morning routine. It's HARD to get myself ready, get you ready, feed you, pump, pack up our bags and get to the sitters and work on time. I have to get up really early and after longs days at work I am one tired cookie. I think you're tired, too. You still take great afternoon naps for us at home, but you have yet to take a long nap with the sitter. You've had a few very fussy nights and I don't know if it's something I ate or if it's this new world you've entered into throwing you off. I hope you'll start to get back into a routine that makes you feel good very soon. Your hair is growing. You're getting all these long wispy's and it's growing in lighter. You're really starting to use your "words." In fact today you probably talked more than you ever had before. Daddy and I could listen to your adorable voice ALL DAY! You LOVE watching your mobile. You will lay in your crib and wiggle and talk for quite a long time. You also watch it when you're in our arms and when we're in the rocking chair. You're getting stronger on your tummy and it doesn't bother you quite as much. You're starting to grab things and pull them to your mouth. I have to wear my hair back all the time now because my hair is quite grabable! You helped me make dinner the other night in your carrier. You can't fit into lots of your 0-3 month clothes anymore. Some of the 3-6 months clothes fit you pretty well, though some are still pretty big on you. You are more adorable than ever! I can't wait to see what this week holds! We love you so much!