A walking contradiction

I yearn for peace, yet when I’m being tailgated I want to slam on my brakes. I want to do my best to help take care of the earth, yet when I read recipes for natural, homemade cleaning products I think “too much work” I want to be a healthy vegetarian and help my family to eat well, yet when I try to think of non-carb recipes I draw a blank or say “gross” I want to spend money wisely, toward the efforts above, and yet I purchase curtains made by children and clothes made in sweat factories and unnecessarily huge TVs.

Where is the balance? How can I change my way of life after years of living the opposite way? I recognize and acknowledge what I WISH I would do, yet I don’t find a way to DO those things. Is it because it seems too difficult? Too expensive? Too much of a sacrifice? Too much work? Too time consuming? Too out of the box? Too overwhelming?

Should I just pick one thing to change? Like making my own kitchen cleaner? Pick one ingredient to change? Like organic beef? Choose one charity to give to instead of buying Starbucks? Change one day to day practice, like using glass containers rather than plastic?

Here are the things we’ve done that I think are steps in a good direction: Buying only organic beef and sugar and fair trade coffee (well, most of the time) Composting Recycling Using “natural” all purpose cleaner from the grocery.

Here’s what I (say I) want to do:

Refrain from using plastic

Make most of my own natural cleaners

Stop buying anything unless I am replacing something

When I buy something, let it be from a respectable green supplier as often as possible

When I get rid of something, give it away rather than throw it away

Give away some of my awesome things rather than just my cast offs

Give money to struggling friends

Give money to respectable charities (therefore researching charities)

Buy organic and as often as possible local foods that aren’t preserved or packaged

Grow my own veggies/herbs

Buy a smaller home-simplify (that is when the market goes back up and our house is worth what it should be!)

Share meals when going out to eat

Keeping snacks and socks in my car for people on corners who need help

Try to fix or repurpose things rather than throw them away

Walk on lunch breaks to get exercise rather than driving somewhere and needlessly wasting gas

What is keeping me from doing these things? If not all, at least some? What would it take in the “perfect” world for me to accomplish all of these things? It’s something I’m going to think about in the next few days. I want to break out! I want to live well! Here’s to figuring out how.