Thursday, July 19, 2012

When the stars don't align...the next best thing

Well it's no secret that I wish I didn't have to be a working mama. My belief is that the best thing for Olivia would be to have her mama or daddy home with her each day. It has been so difficult for me to leave her each day and go to work. Jeff and I have been looking at any options that might be potential ways for me to stay home. For a while we looked at moving to different states that had cheaper homes and lowers costs of living. That felt just a little too rushed, though it's not out of the picture for the near distant future. Then we looked at moving to a smaller more affordable house here. Again, a bust. There are more affordable homes here, but it's one of those decisions and sacrifices that we aren't fully ready to make in this town. The most recent idea was for me to become a nanny so that I could have Livi with me AND be a loving caregiver for other kiddos the same way we have been so blessed to have in Cheryl. I pursued this hard core and it made me extremely excited to think about. It basically became my new dream. Jeff created a sample budget, and although things would be tight, we thought it would work. Then, I got an email. A mom wanted me to be her nanny. My stomach dropped. I was excited and terrified at the same time. Everything happened really fast. Maybe the stars were lining up. We ran the numbers again last night in hopes that I could meet this family tonight. BUT. The numbers weren't working. We didn't realize certain things or counted on certain things happening that actually won't happen. Like, oh, the fact that my health insurance is THREE TIMES less than Jeff's. Plus we thought we could refinance our mortgage at an unheard of percentage rate, but it turns out we bought our house 1 month too late to qualify. We learned both of those things this morning and combined, they basically shot the stars all over the sky and shattered my new dream. It just won't work. Dream deferred.

Soooo, here I am again, faced with a choice. Will I wallow in sorrow? Will I allow my circumstances to dictate my happiness? As easy as it would be to do so, I am going to try my best to not let that happen. I will try to focus on all the good and not get caught up in grumbling. I will try not to be envious of other mom's or different family circumstances. I've mentioned in a past post, but I will reiterate, for my own sake, we have some great things going on. We have a gorgeous home that Jeff has put so much effort into making lovely for us. We live in a wonderful neighborhood with good neighbors and I know our kids are safe here. We both have stable jobs with paychecks we can count on. If I have to work, I admit that the benefits I receive through my company are pretty much unmatched. We are healthy. We have healthy and happy kiddos. Jeff has summers off so he gets to spend good quality time with both kids. And since we have to leave our daughter with someone each day, we are so thankful for the woman we found! Cheryl and her family seem to really love Olivia and Olivia seems to enjoy being with them. What a blessing! Until something can change for the "better" I will remind myself that this is pretty darn good. And I will do my best to soak up each precious minute I have with not only my little baby, but my whole family.


Mackenzie Turrill said...

Hi Ter :) Just caught up on your post...Sorry it didn't work out like you hoped, but good perspective. I was inspired by your list of what's a blessing in your lives! Always good to remember... :)

Unknown said...

this couldn't be more perfectly or beautifully written!